rest needed by Bernard B. Ch'ng

i need some real serious rest for myself, i have been sleeping in the couch for a week, can you imagine that? what i need for so desperate now is a hot tub, nice aroma therapy, body massage, that is what i need now because my shoulder and body is hard and shoulder is stiff. omg ! i want something.... FULL PACKAGE NEEDED !! including ear !!

**Monday midnight**

Monday midnight..talking to someone who stay in the memory of me...i'm starting my normal life again on tomorrow morning. I find myself is not ready for all these now, maybe this is because i've been into this accidentally given holiday by the hurricane Wilma.

Untouchable is the word in my head now..i do not know why i have this feeling.

sharp colors are the colors. i like these colors too, as because i find this is so attractive, and i would paint my car into all these sharp color to attract attention, anyhow, i'm not too overly obssesed with my car but i just like and have so much interest in it, as the 2become1. someone would know what i meant!

have you guys ever have the feeling of EXCITED ! HAPPY !? i bet you guys have it, it just that these 2 came towards me in one day today. i was talking to someone and really talk to someone whom i miss so much and i didn't really talk to in a week. these 2 feelings came into me and just tought me about Happy, Exciting, Worry, Miss and etc. i'm happy because i can finally ssee you in my list with the status online and i'm online too..(If i'm not online how am i suppose to see you online? i'm such a dumb!)

i'm exciting because i get to show my feeling and don't you feel that i'm happy and excited while talking to you? that was because i can talk! i worry about you because i'm afraid you didn't take good care of yourself, i'm afraid you got catch cold or something, whether did you eat proper foods, and stuff...i miss you is something never have to explain.

New York was fun, but i hope i had more time to spend over there, with "13hours apart" person *specialperson*, or anyone. although i had a bad time over there like i lost my phone or something, is bad though someone didn't actually know it until i tell the whole story! Florida now is in a mess, i need to spend more money to buy something for that house now, i'm running out of cash and money, why is it happen on me? but i'll figure a way out.

i was enjoyin myself under the hotsun yesterday afternoon, that was real fun with couple of people at the poolside and start crapping. by that time i realized my life suppose to be more meaningful than always think about how to make more money, and how to finish my study as soon as possible, i should sometime enjoy with my life, i've been paying too much attention on that, it makes me look old and sound so old..i shoould be glad for myself too..i met someone who can make me laugh who can make being so emotional..you*7hours->13hours* are so special!

*7hours -> 13hours*

i'll miss you...i'm talking to you now..but i still miss you...for real..

how are you guys doing there? i've not received any single email or anything from you guys telling me about the life you guys having over there!! i need some news !! come on....bro jas, when is your shop opening? let me know as soon as possible ok?i need to arrange....

**The Truth**

THE "SOMETHING" in my mind which being kept under my PEA brain for so long has been FOUND!

i realized that and understand what my situation is when i was at the hot tub enjoying the night time which is slower another an hour. i suddenly realized that i'm so useless in some sense. i just promised myself i have to be "useful" in some way.

i need to work out on something trust me....

The Feeling of Mine now...

Emotional is the word to describe my personality, and it suits me perfectly. I'm an emotional person, as my mood can be affected by just a small little thing, small little inteference, little distraction, all these facts are more than enough to affect my mood from happy to bad mood, from sad to excited feeling! see, now you understand why i'm so emotional.

Missing someone is very hard and suffering. especially when you couldn't contact the person, and you can't see the person, even online is only for just a short moment, or you can't even call the person, can you imagine how suffering it is? I lost my phone, thats why i lost contact with you. If not i would have send you messages or call you. My luck in New York not that good, because the reason why i came to NY was becasue of the hurricane Wilma which might turn into Tornado, and it turned into at last, everybody said i'm lucky cause i'm in NY, but the moment i step out of the airport i was almost frozen due to the winter and so windy at that time, i didn't thought of the winter in NY, thn the following thing happen to me was i lost my phone in the cab, that is the reason why i don't have a cellphone to contact you now, it kills me! i hate the feeling without a communication tool beside me, from this fact i realized why are people around the world who has a cellphone would never left the cellphone at home or out without the phone, it makes you feel horribly uncomftable, specially when come to the moment you need to contact someone you miss, seeking help, chit chat with friends, need an alarm clock to wake you up, read all the messages sent by someone you miss, OMG ! everything seems to be so far away from me in just a moment.

My flight got cancelled yesterday morning 0905. I took 2 hours to reached the airport, the most pitiful person was my cousin sister, she has to be late at work, she had to bring me to the airport and after she knew that my flight got cancelled then she got to drive all the way back to JFK pick me up, and at that time only i realized how important a handphone works in emergency! i was running out of coin until have to seek help from people and ask to borrow phone, i never imagine i would ever did that! people was looking at me for one kind, i hate this.....i promised i will get another phone soon.

--** SO THAT I CAN KEEP CONTACT,KEEP SMS, WITH SOMEONE I MISS**-- >>-->--- MUAKS ---<--<<

*Waiting for your postcard! I am so excited now to receive that ! hope you are doing great over there, don't stress yourselve too much, remember to take care ok? i know you can't read this at the moment, but i just wrie here, you will have a chance to read. don't worry.*

^days doesn't come and stop by for you, you have to do something so that you can keep it and forever stop in you mind^ - - - - this is memory

Memory is broad ! happy, sad, excited, depressed, etc.. all kind of feeling might be the memory in your mind for ages, it wil never got erased unless you lost your memory. Now i can tell the world, i know what is memory..i am having a great time with someone....hope it lasts. "12 hours""7hours".

been thinking too much..

i've been thinking too much recently..life and decision are the hardest things in the life, making decision is just like making a step or "fullstop" onto something, life is something unpredictable especially when you are starting to brainstorm on certain issues, then you will start realizing how amazed on certain things, how ugly of some facts, that is something involving ur freedom of making decision and chances in your life.

All these words are always in my mind - life, decision, consequences, atitude, regret, appreciate.

Life is something miserable and the worse part about it is we can't do anything on it. Life can be good sometimes but at the same time it can makes you suffer for quite sometimes, this is becasue life contains too many ingrediants, these mixture may bring you to make a good time for your life time and it might bring you to a bad life too.

Decisions are meant to be made only a single click in ur thought, no more "return", no "refund", no "another" chance is given. Appreciate chances that you can take for granted, but not without thinking about on all the consequences. Consequences sometimes might lead you to the wrong move in certain decision making.

Consequences is the word with defination of positive or negative feedback of that move, so consequences is never out of the list for a human being to make a decision, while you are brainstorming the brain for the decision, all these consequences issues jump in, it leads you to think critically on certain decision whether you step forward or go backward.

Attitude is the word that bring your 100% life, i received this email from my dad, of the subject it says you "something for you, i think you need it", i read the email in the uni lab it nearly makes my tear overflow, because my dad actually has me in the mind all the time, he take cares of me, he teach me things, he never let me down, in the email it says if you label A-Z in number that will be 26 numbers in alphabetical arrangement, what you have to do is you add A+T+T+I+T+U+D+E=100 . it makes me think for a long time how important and how powerful it actually changes our lifestyle, after that session of critical thinking on this issue and my life, i need to make myself better, and i want to achieve 100% OF MY LIFE. 100% is perfect for everyone, no matter how ugly looking you are, how poor you are, it doesn't seems to be the important fact that actually changes thing, the only thing you need to make yourself 100% in life is make sure you have ATTITUDE. When attitude this issue being discusse, you will realized that CHARACTER is actually in it too. so make sure you have a good attitude and character.

REgret is the word i hate the most in my life, i've been so regretful of making some decision, but what can i do? i've made the wrong move in the first place i can't blame people on it, and now i'm facing this probem again, i'm afraid i'll make another wrong decision in my life, i'm a LIBRA, who wants something perfect, no flaw, everything perfect. i'm trying not to make exception on this, i want to be perfect, indirectly it gives me pressure while i'm doing things, but guys, don't worry, i'm myself eerytime, i'm not forcing myself to do so, this is me ! but i'm not trying to say that i'm PERFECT! i'm not a PERFECTIONIST ! i started to realized on certain thing that i actually trying to make some decision on something. I hope i'm not gonna make a wrong decision this time..i hate REGRET !

Appreciate, is the words never go off from my life, i appreciate every single time i've spent with you guys, my family, my bros (jas,2alex,kitz)n sis(steph,genie,sp), mich, cynthia, you guys are greatest creature that i've never met in mylife, "i've spent my day and night for someone, all these because i appreciate you." no pay back is required for this, but what i want you to know is don't make me feel regret ok?

i want to make myself perfect in my life. but never without certain things.
*to someone special* : i'll miss you. trust me. you cheer me up. photos. muaks ( to you special person )

new day....

hie guys..it has been ages i never update this...now i feel like to do it...hehe :P my housemate is gonna leave soon...the soon is gonna be tml morning ! damn ..the whole house is gonna be so "lonely" haha...me alone stay in the house..how are u guys going on there? u ppl muz get back together la..knn ! f not i go back i go to go so many places search for u alll....brb...will psot another...